3 SAD TRUTHS I’VE HAD TO LEARN AS AN ADULT

As a young male, I’ve come to realise that the transition into adulthood from whatever stage comes before that, is one of the hardest things a man will go through. From the moment society stops considering one a child, the real world suddenly hits. You probably realise I haven’t written a thing for a while. I took some time off to reflect about my life and the world in general. In this time, I’ve tried to understand emotional intelligence, improve my emotional intelligence, come up with and improve time management strategies and basically taught myself to be more efficient and more organized. I’ve also battled insomnia for the last couple of months but that’s  a discussion for another day.( I wrote this at around 3:45am)

Today, I wanted to talk about life! Life from the male perspective, from the nice guy perspective really. As a child, I remember growing up in a world that had so much love. I remember laughing, playing, screaming, crying, I remember feeling all these things and just being in a place where I felt safe emotionally. Then I grew up, and the contrast was overwhelming. So today I want to tell you guys about certain sad truths I’ve had to learn about life as an adult.

Disclaimer: By Truths, I refer to my Truths, I speak from my life’s perspective. And fact is, my truth may not necessarily be your truth. And that is totally fine

  1. The concept of Happiness

It is no doubt that at the end of the day, happiness is our ultimate goal. Everything we do, is in one way or the other supposed to make us happy. Now, I’m sure we’ve all heard this statement somewhere, “Money can’t buy happiness”.  But what is happiness really? Truth is, I cannot answer that question. Maybe happiness is simply being a child, childhood! But right now I honestly cant put a definition on the word happiness as I myself don’t understand it fully. What I can tell you is this: MONEY CAN IN FACT, TO A GOOD EXTENT, BUY HAPPINESS! One strong argument against this would be, ‘Solomon, as a child, you said you were happy and yet you didn’t have or even understand the concept of money’ to which I would reply: Well, the thing is, I have now learnt about money. And that’s something that’s hard to unlearn. We live in a very materialistic society. Society has in a way defined happiness by what we own. People will judge you on your financial situation. People will want to get closer to you if you have money ( Or should I say, society distances itself from you if you’re poor). And I wish I had known that earlier. I won’t go very deep into this but I just want you to think about it!

2). The Concept of Love

For this one, I am not even going to lie. I do not understand love or how it works, let alone how it feels. But what I really want to talk about is this:

a) Nice guys finish last; I grew up knowing that if you treated each and everyone with love and respect, they in return will love you back and respect you. I understood that that was the basic principle upon which society operated. Well, I’ve come to understand that that isn’t always true. This concept is even more pronounced when it comes to romantic love. Its kind of like, the nicer you are to a girl, the more like she is to reject you. I recently read Niccolo Machiavelli’s The Prince, a political Science book. He talks about how a prince should rule his country and the various methods he should employ to achieve his ultimate goal. In summary, here is one  quote from the book that really stood out for me:

Hatred is gained as much by good works as by evil.

It is very possible to treat someone with all the love and respect in the world, to be there for them, to treasure them and simply love them honestly, and still have them hate you and reject you. I honestly can’t get into the why, I guess that’s for you to think about and tell me.

But all in all, read this book! I found a number of interesting paragraphs all in relation to this concept.

b) “Only children, women and dogs are loved unconditionally.” – Chris Rock

Chris Rock is undoubtedly one of the most iconic comedians of our time. He said this on one of his Netflix specials and I understand it was joke. But I for one this know this, everything one says has a place in their minds or hearts from where it originates. There is a certain base, however far-fetched, from where everything we do, say and think comes from. I took time to think about these words and came to realise one thing, As a man, you will only be loved on the condition that you provide. And that’s a Fact! So if love makes us happy, And as a man, the amount of love you get is, to some extent, directly proportional to how much you can provide, then I think its safe to say that Money can in fact buy happiness.

3. People that do you wrong will not always regret it.

As a young boy, my mother raised me on this statement, “Do good and good will come back to you, do wrong and wrong too will come back to you”

So basing on that statement, one would expect that if someone hurt me, the same would happen to then in the future. I always knew that I didn’t have to take revenge on anyone because naturally, nature would ensure that the bad they did, came back to them. But here is the fact, That isn’t at all true.

In fact, it is very possible that someone will do you dirty and still go on to enjoy life, love and success without any form of payback or regret.

So in conclusion, I want to quote Niccolo Machiavelli once again:

 “How we live is so different from how we ought to live that he who studies what ought to be done rather than what is done will learn the way to his downfall rather than to his preservation.”

Niccolò Machiavelli - Wikipedia
Niccolo Machiavelli 1469-1527

I have come to learn that we do not live in an ideal world. We, in fact, live in a very ugly world. The decision to adapt to the standards of the world is a personal one. I am in no position to give advice on love or finances as I do not fully understand these concepts.(To be more specific, I don’t understand love but actually do understand a great deal of finance, I’m just not a rich guy) However, I have dedicated my life to understanding the world around me, to learning more and more about facts rather that the ideal world. I have dedicated each and every passing day to be the best version of myself, to learning from my mistakes and simply learn to live in a world that says “Hey, you don’t deserve it”

I hope you enjoyed this and until next time, I remain your average guy, Solomon

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