Of pain and why it matters.

I always tell people that nothing good ever came out of the comfort zone. In fact, if anything, it’s the comfort zone that always holds us back. It keeps us from attaining our real potentials. As the title clearly states, I would love to discuss pain and how it is a catapult to achieve greater things!

First and foremost, lets define pain! In this article, I am not referring to physical pain much as in many ways it, too, can fit into this article. The pain I’m talking about is all those moments where life seems unbearable, that emotional turmoil that we, every now and then, have to go through. Pain is a universal feeling. By that, I mean, as long as you are human, you are going to have to deal with emotional turmoil whether you want it or not. Pain defines us, it puts a mark on who we really are on the inside. We build our characters more upon our painful experiences than upon our happiest moments. Pain is powerful because it changes us. Happiness on the other hand, doesn’t necessarily hold that power. I mean, its nice to be happy and all, it feels good. You want to be happy. But the fact is, being happy has that effect on you only in the moment but pain has effects that can stretch out into your whole life. Its effects are in the long term. And that’s why it actually matters. That’s why I think it matters more than happiness.

Now that we fully understand what pain is and the power it can have on us, how can we use that to our advantage really? Maybe to illustrate that, I’ll tell you a story from my childhood. So I lost my real father in 2001 (I was born in December 1999) so I never got to know him. But for most of my childhood, the concept of having two parents was unknown to me. I didn’t know that children had two parents because for me, having only one mother was the normal. And to be honest, it was enough because I don’t remember wanting anything more. When I turned 6 however, everything changed. I had to go to boarding school. Now for those of you who may not know what boarding school is, its simply normal school only that you actually stay at the school for the whole semester. There are always visiting days where parents can come and see their kids. So it was through these vising days that I came to understand that kids actually have two parents. A male and a female parent. I remember seeing all the other kids being held in both hands by both parents and it broke me.(Of course, I didn’t know that that was only the first of many, hahahaha). I remember being angry, enraged! At the time, my mother had moved and was working abroad so I couldn’t really discuss this with anyone. So I was stuck. I wanted to be like everyone else but the fact was I couldn’t. But this pain I felt for having only one parent changed me. I promised myself that I would do everything so that every other kid would instead want to be like me. Going through this turmoil at only six years changed me. It made me want to stand out. To be better than I was. I was angry and hungry. Angry at the situation and hungry to change it. From then on, I remember just becoming a model student in school. I had some of the best grades. And that didn’t change for a long time. (Of course until I met quantum Physics hahahahhaha)

I don’t think I would be the person I am today if I hadn’t felt that way at six years old. And every time I look back, I think that changed me, It made me the person I am today. In life, we all have our moments such as these. For me, that was the first of many. It could be death of loved one, loss of a job, being homeless, unrequited love, a bad heartbreak to mention but a few. Emotional pain is the same, no matter the cause. It only differs in magnitude but that’s purely subjective. So at the end of the day, its important to understand that, if something has happened, it actually has happened and that we cant alter the past.( I understand Physics says otherwise but lets limit ourselves to reality) But we indeed can change the future. We can do things that can have effect on what’s yet to happen.

And that’s how we should deal with pain. Pain should change us for the better. Pain should make you hungry. Hungry to move onto better things so that you don’t have to feel the same way. It should be a catapult to launch us to greater heights. That’s why pain actually matters. Because it changes us. Every time you go through some form of emotional pain, some kind of emotional turmoil, remember the power you possess. The power of pain. Know that you posses one of the greatest weapons that mankind has ever known. And be smart about it. Because it can also be used in the opposite way. And we don’t want that. An analogy is how humanity discovered nuclear energy. It could have been used for so much good, but because we only human, we used it to destroy each other. And as humans we are good at that. Our survival instinct sometimes misleads us. So be smart about it.

Pain shouldn’t be the end of it all. It should be the start of it all. And since I was six, that’s what its been for me. My painful experiences have simply been new starts. And trust me, you don’t want to know how many times I’ve had to start over! When I look back at how much I’ve changed over the years simply because I’ve been through bad experiences, I don’t regret it. Because its made me a better person. Its made me stronger, not just emotionally stronger but also physically stronger.(I mean, at one point I was benching 100kgs in the gym, and I’m barely 75kgs!)

You see, in life, I can’t guarantee you that everything is going to be okay. The fact is, it may be okay but it also may not! But I can guarantee you that you can become better, you can become the best version of yourself. And at the end of the day, that’s the most important thing. And being a better version of yourself doesn’t guarantee anything. Funny fact, I’ve come to realize that there is a certain correlation between how good you will be and how bad people will treat you. Its kind of like being nice is directly proportional to reject. Like I said last week, nice guys finish last! It’s like we don’t like nice people anymore, but this is a discussion for one  my next blog post.(Its important to remember I’m only speaking my truth and my truth isn’t necessarily your truth)

So in conclusion, Pain is a powerful tool. Pain matters! Pain can change us, it can push us to achieve things we never would have if we didn’t have pain. We live in a difficult generation. A generation where everything has turned around. There is so much hate, so much suffering, so much heartbreak. Its like we’re on a mission to break each other. And in this world, we can learn to live with that pain in a positive way. The truth is, it does hurt. It really does. But when the hurt is all gone, and you see how far that pain launched you, you look back and realize there nothing to regret. You realize that you look forward to the next moment of weakness, so that you can even go further ahead. And if you need someone to talk to, I would love to listen to your stories. Thanks for reading this far. Have a good day and until next time, I remain your average guy, SOLOMON

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